habits /

Top 3 Reasons Why Some People Never Change

woman waiting

Lets get right in the mix. 1.  The first reason is best explained by the father of psychology himself, Sigmund Freud: “Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened by responsibility.” True change is about letting go of blame and taking personal accountability for the way you

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free association /

How To Tell If Someone’s A Narcissist

how to tell if someones a narcissist

After this interview I did for ELLE about whether or not social media is creating narcissists, a strange thing happened. A bunch of people from all over the country emailed me describing their bosses, ex’s, friends, and various family members — and everyone wanted to know the same thing, “Does that make them a narcissist?” I

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free association /

Top 5 Thich Nhat Hanh Quotes

flower in concrete

1.  If you love someone, the greatest gift you can give them is your presence.  How can you love, if you are not even there?   2. The seed of suffering in you may be strong, but don’t wait until you have no more suffering before allowing yourself to be happy.   3.  Meditation means

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emotions /

How To Say How You Really Feel

Self_Conscious

Communication beyond "Ugh"

“I just feel so, blah.” “I’m really good.” “Ugh.” “It’s just whatever.” There’s a surprising amount of utility is in words like, ugh, blah, and whatever.  Because they’re amorphous and vague, we liberally cast them out into our conversations as an all encompassing net which catches a multitude of emotions. Still, we get so used to speaking ‘text speak’ that we often

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perfection /

Healthy Perfectionism

woman excited healthy perfectionist

(and do extremely well, obviously)

Remember when you learned that there are healthy types of fat, that napping makes you more productive, and that there are safe types of sun exposure? The new research on perfectionism is like that.

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emotions /

4 Stages of a Quarter Life Crisis

quarter life crisis

If 40 is the new 30, does that make 30 the new 40?

Financial solvency, relationship drama, career fulfillment, the perfect work/life balance, air-brushed beauty standards, the pressure to partner up and have kids… Ugh X 20. Millennial women have more opportunities than any generation of women before them, and the pressure is ON to construct a life that proves it. Please don’t get me wrong. I don’t even

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communication /

9 Lessons On Connection I’ve Learned from Being a Therapist

Birds_Flocking

In no particular order, these 9 lessons continue to pop up in my work as a therapist.  No matter who the person is, no matter what the situation is, there are some things that remain true no matter what: 1.  People will rarely tell others that they’re scared at first, they express their fears in

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semantics /

The Difference Between Healing & Changing

railroad tracks diverge

Please remind me never to watch a TV show about hoarders again.  Besides the label itself, hoarder (which sounds unsympathetic at best and wholly shameful at worst), there’s something really wrong with these genuinely well-intended shows. The worst part about hoarder shows isn’t the quiet shock of seeing how deeply stuck people who suffer from hoarding

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perfection /

The 6 Factors Used To Test Perfectionism

perfectionist

Researchers create a test for perfectionists to test their perfectionism -- Everyone gets an A+

Julia Child, Barbara Bush, Sylvia Plath, Nancy Regan – were they all perfectionists?  I have no idea, but they did all attend Smith, a top-ranked all-women’s college where Dr. Randy Frost studies perfectionism amidst the top-ranked, all-women students. Dr. Frost’s research team set out to rate the intensity of six distinctly identified aspects of perfectionism. 

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semantics /

The Difference Between Guilt and Shame

guilt and shame

Guilt and shame are complicated emotions, but the difference between them is very simple: Guilt says: I feel badly about what I did/didn’t do. Shame says: I feel badly about who I am/who I am not.  For the most part, we know what to do with guilt.  It might take us a while, but we

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